im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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