i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
