I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
