My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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