Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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