I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am available for nakedness
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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