thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
