Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
