he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
