His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
