i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
