I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
