elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
