Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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