As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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