I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
