Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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