Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
