Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
