he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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