My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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