does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
