Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
