I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
