she woke up with a sticky ear
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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