wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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