Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
