why didn't you poke me back
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
