I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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