You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
