bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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