respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
