I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
