I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it because I queefed?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
