Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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