I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
