what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
