You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
