I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
