I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
