If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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