she woke up with a sticky ear
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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