Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
