He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no you cant smoke seaweed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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