Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
