I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
