I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize