how can u be prego again
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
