i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
