Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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