wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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