I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
