let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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