I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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