dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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