I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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