it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
