he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
