do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
