...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
