her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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