I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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