You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
