he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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