highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
