My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
