I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
