Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
