before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
