brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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