Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
