I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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