I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
