so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
