I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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