letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
