Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
