Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
