I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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