Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
