I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
