yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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