You really coming over, don't trick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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