That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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