my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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